


Let it come down on me

by kiminsocks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Angst, Tony Has Issues, Tony Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiminsocks/pseuds/kiminsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony makes a mistake. Steve finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let it come down on me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from David Nail's "Let It Rain". 
> 
> Seems a little like I went OOC with both Tony and Steve here, but I tried to stay true to how I think the MCU characters would act, if they truly loved each other. Feel free to leave feedback, I'm always trying to improve!
> 
> Takes place in MCU, some time before AoU.
> 
> Sad and depressing soundtrack for this fic:  
> "Let It Rain" by David Nail  
> "Sincerely" by Nevertheless  
> "Draw Me A Map" by Dierks Bentley  
> "Battle" by Colbie Caillat  
> "What You Gonna Do" by Hunter Hayes

He’d known it was coming, but it doesn’t stop Tony from jumping almost out of his skin when the bedroom door slams back against the wall, leaving a dent where the doorknob sinks into the plaster.

Steve comes striding in, jaw clenched, hands fisted at his sides, and he glances around the room before he catches sight of Tony sitting on the edge of the bed, palms resting on the sheets to either side of his body, staring at the floor between his shoes. Tony’s shoulders tense as he hears Steve make his way over, boots clunking loudly on the hardwood.

His feet stop just in front of Tony, but he doesn’t say anything. Tony looks up, slowly, afraid of what he’s going to see in Steve’s face. Anger. Disappointment. Betrayal. Their eyes meet and it’s worse than that. Steve’s eyebrows are pinched together, that small wrinkle dug deep between them, and he looks back at Tony with so much hurt in his gaze that Tony feels it like a punch to the chest.

“Why?” He asks, voice quiet, strong, but overflowing with pain. Tony’s heart clenches. He’d rather Steve get mad, yell at him, throw something, hit him, even, than this. “How? How could you— I don’t understand, Tony. What did I do?” His voice trembles on the last question.

And isn’t it so like Steve, to jump to that conclusion? That he could possibly be to blame for what Tony’s done, for Tony’s bad judgment, Tony being the biggest asshole on the face of the Earth.

His throat tightens painfully and his hands clench in the sheets, so that he doesn’t do what he really wants to do and grab Steve and pull him in, crush him to his own body like he can protect the other man from his mistakes. He doesn’t deserve that anymore. He’s not sure if he ever did.

Tony shakes his head, clears his throat. His eyes flit away, unable to hold Steve’s brilliant gaze any longer.

He attempts a rueful smirk, but he can feel it fall flat. He’s got no defense mechanisms here, no snark to protect him, because every reason he thought he had for doing what he did is useless, he doesn’t have an excuse. He was wrong, so very wrong.

“Steve—“ he starts. Stops. Takes a deep breath and starts again. “Steve, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was drinking and I know that’s not an excuse but I was, I was drinking and she just came up to me and grabbed me and—“ Tony shrugs slightly, trailing off. It sounds pathetic, worthless. There’s nothing he can say that will make this any better.

“And you didn’t say no.” Steve’s voice is hollow, empty.

Tony shakes his head jerkily, shuts his eyes, sighs out a breath full of resignation and self-hatred. “I didn’t say no,” he murmurs back.

Steve is silent for a few moments and Tony risks glancing up at him. He’s looking away now, gaze directed somewhere towards the bathroom, and Tony watches him swallow. It looks painful.

He does reach out this time, hand grabbing at the fist clenched by Steve’s side. Steve doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t respond, either, hand still balled tightly underneath Tony’s.

“I’m so sorry, Steve, I’m _so sorry_.” His voice is breaking, but he’s beyond caring now. “I was stupid, I was so mad at you and I was drinking and I just wanted to hurt you, like you hurt me, and I did, and I wish I’d never done it. I just want to take it all back. I don’t want to lose you, Steve, but I know I have no right to ask you to stay after— after what I did, tonight.”

Steve still hasn’t looked back at him, and now he gently pulls his hand away from Tony’s. Tony’s breath catches and a strangled sound escapes his throat before he can stop it. Steve turns into a watercolor of blues and yellows as Tony’s eyes fill. He watches through blurred vision as Steve turns away from Tony, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, then cover his eyes with his hand. Tony can see tiny tremors shaking Steve’s shoulders, torso, through his legs. He knows the feeling, has been in his position before, has felt the adrenaline spike of finding out that someone he loved has lied to him, the all-encompassing pain radiating throughout his body, then all the energy abandoning him at once, leaving him feeling weak and tired and utterly lost. Why he would ever want to inflict that pain on Steve, he doesn’t know, he can’t remember what was going through his head when he left with that girl, that model whose name he can’t even be bothered to remember. 

He’s hiccuping pathetically now, attempting to hold back the tears and not doing a very good job of it. He just wants Steve to talk to him, say something, tell him how to fix it, yell at him, anything.

He stands up, vision still a little fuzzy, and steps over to stand in front of Steve, grabbing his free hand in both of his own. He falls to his knees and then the tears really start to flow, because all he can think is that he’s lost him, he’s lost the best thing that’s ever happened to him, there’s nothing he can do to make this right, Steve’s going to leave him.

“Steve, please, please don’t go, I’m so sorry, I’m an asshole, what can I do, please just tell me what to do.” He’s begging now, and he doesn’t care. If it keeps Steve here, with him, he’ll beg for the rest of his life.

Steve’s still got one hand covering his eyes, pressing down on his eyelids like he has a terrible headache, but Tony can see tears leaking out the corners, and it makes his chest clench a little tighter.

“Steve,” he says, pleads.

Steve shakes his head sharply, breath hitching once before he takes in a lungful of air and lets it out in a whoosh, reigning everything in. He breathes deeply again and drops his hand, opening his eyes to find Tony kneeling in front of him. 

“I— I can’t—“ Steve cuts himself off. Opens the hand in both of Tony’s and grasps at Tony’s fingers, grip tight enough that it almost hurts. Tony doesn’t say anything, doesn’t think, because he doesn’t know what this means, and it’s too much to try and guess right now.

He clambers to his feet, grace and dignity long forgotten. “Steve,” he starts.

Steve shakes his head again, squeezes Tony’s hands briefly. “I can’t. Do this. I love you, Tony, but I can’t do this anymore.”  Tony’s stomach drops to his feet, his vision grays out at the edges, and he sways slightly. “Steve, no—“

“Tony, you’re mine.” Steve says, a flare of heat in the words. Tony stops trying to talk, instead tries to make sense of Steve’s words. “You’re mine, and I’m sorry that I hurt you, if I ever made you feel unwanted. I can’t pretend that we’re not— that we’re not sweethearts, anymore. You’re mine and I want everyone to know that, no more lies, no more hiding, no more misunderstandings.” Steve has drawn himself up to his full height, determination in his stance, red rimmed eyes boring into Tony’s.

“Steve,” Tony whispers, and he wishes he could say something other than Steve’s name but there’s nothing. He doesn’t have anything because Steve’s hasn’t left yet, Steve’s apologizing and saying he loves him and he’s not leaving.

“I love you, Tony. I want to be with you. I know you’re not perfect, neither am I. But I want to work on it, with you.” Tony’s shaking now, gripping Steve’s hand so tightly his knuckles ache. He clears his throat before he replies.

“You sure about that, Cap?” His voice is still a little shaky, but getting more steady as he speaks. “I meant it when I said I’m an asshole.”

Steve shakes his head determinedly. “You’re not an asshole, Tony. You made a mistake.”

“I’ll make more,” Tony whispers.

The corner of Steve’s mouth turns upwards, just the slightest bit. “Probably.”

“Steve,” Tony trails off. “I— I don’t deserve this. I hurt you.”

“Because I hurt you, Tony. Because I said no, yesterday. That’s why you did this, isn’t it?” Steve asks knowingly.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” Tony flounders. “I just, didn’t think, Steve. I just thought, if you’re that ashamed to be with me, I’ll find someone who isn’t, someone who wants to be seen with Tony Stark.”

Steve’s face has fallen again, dismayed. “Tony, I’m not ashamed to be with you.”

“Then why can’t we tell anyone? Why hide it? Why can’t we even tell the team, Steve?”   
“Tony.” The way he says Tony’s name has Tony’s eyes flooding again and he swipes them away angrily. Steve lets go of Tony’s other hand and reaches up to cup Tony’s face in his big palms, thumbs stroking gently across his cheekbones. “I’m not ashamed of you.” Tony makes a noise and Steve cuts him off. “I’m not. I have my own— issues, I guess,” he smiles, self-deprecating, before he’s serious again and he continues, “and I need to work them out, but it’s not you, Tony, it was never you. I’m so, so _proud_ , to be with you, Tony Stark.”

Tony gives him a watery smile, huffs out a choked laugh. “Yeah?” he asks.

“Yes,” Steve replies. “I am.” He smiles and some of the knots in Tony’s stomach loosen a little bit. “Just, promise me, if you ever feel that way again, you won’t run off and do something like this before you talk to me. Please, promise me that.”

“I don’t deserve this, Steve,” Tony says. “I hurt you— I _cheated_ on you.” There’s a flash of pain on Steve’s face at the words before he’s shaking his head doggedly.

“No, Tony. I forced you into this. I pushed you away.”

“Steve—“

“ _No,_ Tony.” Tony falls silent. “No. I forgive you. I need you to forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Tony whispers.

“We’ll work on it,” Steve responds firmly. “Together.” Steve reaches down to hold Tony’s hands in his. He rubs his thumbs along Tony’s knuckles soothingly.

Tony shakes his head again, disbelieving and confused and so, so relieved. Steve’s capacity for forgiveness is unfathomable, something that Tony will never deserve, as long as he lives. “Never again,” he says, quiet but firm. “I promise. I won’t _ever_ do that to you again.”

“I believe you,” Steve says, squeezing gently.

Tony lurches forward, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist, burying his face in the space between Steve’s neck and shoulder. He inhales deeply, trying to settle his emotions, trying to believe this is really happening, Steve isn’t leaving him.

Steve’s strong hands rub up and down his back soothingly. He’s murmuring calming words into Tony’s hair and Tony can’t believe how stupid he’s been to risk this, how lucky he is, how amazing this man is, that’s he’s still here, holding Tony after what he did. Tony can believe that Steve forgives him, he doesn’t lie about things like that, but Tony swears to himself that he’s going to make it up to him. He’s going to give Steve everything he deserves, for as long as he’ll have him.


End file.
